Finding a Mentor: Be Your Own Matchmaker
Mentoring schemes are not the only option
I’ve had numerous mentors throughout my career. Among them have been mentors who…
- …were recommended to me by a manager
- …offered (unprompted) to be my mentor
- …were in another part of my company
- …were in a different company
- …were in a different industry
- …didn’t call themselves mentors at all
- …were already my friend
- …became my friend
- …I had an entirely business-like relationship with
My mentors have helped me with…
- …advice handling a difficult situation
- …advice handling a difficult person (someone they knew well)
- …advice handling my manager
- …helping navigate office politics (which looks a lot like gossip to the uninitiated)
- …keeping my cool (by going for a walk with me so I could rant at them when I was not feeling at all cool)
- …many, many other things.
None of those mentors came via a mentoring scheme.
When I suggest to someone that they get a mentor, usually I mean they should find a mentor. Mentoring schemes can be great, especially for people who don’t have access to the kind of mentor they want or need through their network. But the quality of matching varies — I’ve seen some examples of people being paired up with great care, and some where you’re basically matched with whoever is available. Either way, there’s no limit on the number of mentors you should have, and I’d strongly recommend using your network as a source of mentorship if possible. Here’s how to do that:
Figure out what you want
If you’re a woman in a male-dominated industry, or a person of colour in a white-dominated industry, or you have a disability, or belong to any other marginalised group, maybe you want a mentor who experiences, understands and navigates some of the same challenges you do. Or maybe you want advice from someone with a completely different perspective. (“How do confident white guys behave when…?”) If you’re focused on (or frustrated by lack of) career progression, you might want to talk to someone who recently got the promotion you hope to achieve. If you’re thinking about a career change, or want to learn more about how to work with people in a different role, maybe your ideal mentor is someone with a particular job title.
This doesn’t have to be super-specific. But if you’re two years into your career and on the bottom rung of the ladder, someone in the C-suite, twenty years your senior, might not have the most relevant advice about how to get where you want to be next.
Think about who you know
Is there someone you’ve already met who fits the bill? Think beyond the people you work with — it could be someone you were in a meeting with once who impressed you, someone you know outside of work, a blogger, a conference speaker, someone you know from social media. If the perfect mentor is a superstar in their field and feels a little out of your league, that’s not a reason to rule them out. (The chance of rejection is probably higher, but put on your suit of armour and try anyway. More on that later.)
Think about second-degree connections
There are two ways second-degree connections can help. First, if the person you’d love to be your mentor is someone you don’t know, see if you can get an introduction from someone you do know. (LinkedIn is great for this.)
Or maybe you have an idea of what kind of person would be a great mentor for you, but you don’t know anyone who fits that description. In that case, ask your network. Say you’re a product manager and want to learn more about the finance function in your company, and would like a peer-mentor — someone about the same level as you. Who do you know in finance? Who do you know who regularly talks to finance? Grab some time with them, see if they can introduce you to someone.
There’s no shame in letting people know you’re looking for a mentor.
How to approach your would-be mentor
“Will you be my mentor?” can be a daunting question to hear. Even when I have room in my schedule for a new mentoring relationship, I won’t usually say Yes. But I will almost always say yes to a one-off conversation about a specific topic, and if, during that conversation, it turns out that I can provide ongoing help, I’m much more likely to say Yes. So leading with “can I grab 30 mins with you for some advice about X” is more likely to both get you a slot in my calendar and potentially lead to an ongoing mentoring relationship than asking me off the bat for a long-term commitment. (And if I don’t think I’m the right person to help you, I can often suggest someone who is.)
How to approach someone outside of your network
Marsha Shandur (YesYesMarsha) has you covered here. In this post she talks specifically about approaching “big shots”, but this advice would help you build credibility with anyone.
https://www.yesyesmarsha.com/addvalue/
If you’re struggling to get started, there’s even a template you can use.
And finally, a video about why the phrase “If you have two mins to hit reply and let me know, that would be fantastic” is so powerful and definitely something you should start using (but also because Marsha’s videos make me smile):
Good luck!
